Never Thought I'd Say
by Lycans-DollHouse
Summary: What happens when Bella has finally had enough? She gets angry, good girl.A letter to darling Eddie, Tie-In with HAHB, read first.


**AN: This is a letter that i was going to use as part of How a Heart Breaks, one that Bella was going to write to Edward. Lets pretend for a moment that Edward has gone and got himself with perfectly gorgeous blonde manipulative cow Tanya and has finally come back to Forks around the time Bella goes to see Facepunch with Mike and Jacob. I know the timeline is different to the book but right now it works for me so im using it. So here you go, mousy Bella has finally hit her limit and is fed up of Edward being a prat and decides to tell him what she thinks instead of just doing what he tells her to.**

**This isnt toward you darling, you just gave me a reason to rant, i love you very much.**

**Disclaimer: Characters and setting all belong to Stephenie Meyer im just playing around right now.**

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I never thought is hit this point, after so long I'm finally angry. Angry at you to be quite honest, how you can't think things through and instead act immediately on your emotions, so goddamn angry. Blindingly furious if I'm honest. Everything you`ve ever done I've understood, I've always seen the reasoning behind it even if I didn't agree, being jealous of Jacob and not wanting him to see me, I let you do whatever because I love you. I thought you were so much stronger than this, I know you are.

YOU left ME Edward, not he other way around, I'd never leave even pushed beyond my limit, I couldn't. Left me in such a mess I couldn't breathe for so long and just when it's starting to get better it all fucks up yet again.

Well enough, I'm not mollycoddling anymore it needs to be said I'm not keeping this in anymore. I'm actually ashamed of you, I never thought I'd say it I've always been so proud of you but this one time I actually am. For all your flaws I've always seen you as perfect, made excuses for you, blamed myself instead and forgiving you all too easily for some of the things you`ve said to me and the way you`ve treated me.

I love you I won't deny that your my life and I need you but right now I think you're a hypocrite you leave me and tell me to move on, be happy with someone else and that you're not good for me. You have all of me no matter what, nothing else matters, nothing is going to take me away from you except your own infuriating stupidity that unfortunately arises at points like these. I don't care how Jake feels about me because I'm too in love with you, his feelings aren't mine. You told me to go out and have fun and then you fucking flip over it! I haven't batted an eyelid about your feelings for other people or you being with someone else, even though it hurts like a fucking bitch, I could never hurt you like that.

I know your hurt but right now you are the one pushing people away.

I haven't said anything because you so obviously have enough feelings for her to break the promises you`d always kept to me: that you would always love me, want only me, never leave me. Well they`ve all gone out the window now haven't they Cullen? I've made my fair share of mistakes and I'm happy to admit that, because they're ones I've learnt from and I've tried to make right.

But this is ridiculous and vicious; you're acting out of spite because you're upset and jealous because it hurt knowing where I was. So you lash out, react. Try and hurt me like I have you. Goddess think about it baby, I let you keep me even though your with somebody else because I know that's what you wanted, I didn't want to force you to choose between the two of us. You`ve done that all by yourself now. I couldn't stand to see that look on your face, why do you think I gave in? I wouldn't never choose to share you with somebody else on my own merit, it's only cause it was hurting you. I wanted things easier for you, Id do anything did you not realise?

I love you more than anything no matter what you say to me or how you treat me it's not gonna change. Sometimes I wish it would but it doesn't last that long. I love you more than life itself and you know that. Part of me wants to hurt you as much as you are me right now, it'd be so easy, but just because I've gone off the edge doesn't mean I'm stooping that low I still can't stand to see you hurt. I know what you're thinking, it's never stopped me in the past, that's the point it's the PAST. Things really have changed and you would've seen that if you opened your eyes and looked at me properly. I would have willingly and easily waited the two years to be changed Edward.

Stop thinking with your head and use your heart, live for the moment, if I'm not in I then fine, you have no idea the things you're going to miss baby. So many missing smiles. Somebody else needs me right now and for their sake I can't afford to be ill, they're relying on me to look after them properly.

This will either do two things, completely push you away or give you the wakeup call you desperately need, then again maybe you`ll act out for a while I don't know anymore. Understand I'm not doing this out of spite to hurt you but things needed saying; you can't disappear without there being consequences, even if you can't see them. I can't let you walk round thinking I'm somebody else's girl, I never could be anyone but yours. If it's true then I'm losing you all forever, all contact with you gone yet again. Didn't think you`d ever take away the comfort what was left of me had.

I love you but you're killing me

Always your girls,

Bella

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**This does tie in with HAHB so some references wont make much sense without reading it first. Personally i think Bella would have felt a whole lot better if she had told him what an idiot he was being and fell in love with Jake like she should have done in the first place. But no, she fell uncontrollably, unconditionally & irrevocably in love with Edward.**


End file.
